Sure, everyone works in Hawaii. Well, most do. But, even though everyone is working, there is an underlying attitude that life is not about work. The people living in Hawaii understand well that the secret to a happy life is about what you’re doing outside of work. Work-style is a little more laid back. There is less intensity about it. People get their work done – but, it’s not a pressure-cooker environment unless you’re working in sales and your income depends on it.
I told you about a friend that sold insurance over the phone in Hawaii and he did not enjoy his working conditions. I knew another couple that sold time-shares on Maui. They made a lot of money, but nobody could really stand them as they were far too motivated and concerned about making money off those they knew and were introduced to.
People living in Hawaii like it laid back and want to keep it that way. After all, that’s why they’re living in Hawaii in the first place. To be surrounded by a like-minded group of laid-back people is really invigorating and gives one a great feeling. If you don’t feel like you fit in, you won’t enjoy it, and people won’t enjoy you much either.
Cultural Experience
There are a variety of cultures to be experienced while living in Hawaii. As I mentioned, the Japanese and Filipinos are the predominant groups, and of course there is the Hawaiian culture, parts of which most groups have adopted as their own.
There’s a large variety of food to choose from. I mentioned the McDonald’s breakfast I liked most had Portuguese sausage, rice, and soy sauce. There are Korean food restaurants, Hawaiian restaurants, Japanese restaurants; every group has their own restaurants. Thai, Burgers, Filipino, Italian, it’s like the best foods from all over the planet assembled on Oahu.
Quite a nice experience if you like a variety of food. The best is when you befriend some locals and they ask you to picnic with them somewhere on the weekend. You’ll get introduced to some amazing local-style foods like lumpia and Kalua pig!
Making Friends
This topic isn’t covered in most books about moving to Hawaii. I believe it is one of the crucial factors in whether you will stay long-term or leave sooner than you intend.
A big problem is when a couple moves to Hawaii and one has friends at their new job – and the other either doesn’t work, or doesn’t like the people at work, and doesn’t make new friends.
This happens so often in Hawaii.
Many people will say, after a year or two, they “don’t like Hawaii.” When in fact it has nothing to do with Hawaii. It’s a lack of developing new friendships. Having some friends in Hawaii can be the difference between enjoying your stay, and not. You should take some time to make new friends even if you think – ‘ahhh, they’ll come later.’ Better now than later when you’re unmotivated and would rather just hate Hawaii for it instead.
How to Make Friends in Hawaii?
First, you should get active in something. There are Theravadan and Mahayana Buddhists, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Mormons, Christians, and the whole lot, in Hawaii. You an easily join whatever group you choose. All of them have activities going on.
There are many sports and outdoor related activities in Hawaii, of course, and you’re probably interested in some of them because you are moving to an island that seemingly revolves around outdoor activity.
There are running, fishing, rugby, Frisbee, running, hashing (hash house harriers have three groups on Oahu alone), drinking, social, boating, writing, computer, authors, and dozens of other groups and clubs that you can join which will help you make friends.
Alternatively – just go out and do what you enjoy – and try to meet people who are doing the same thing. If you bike, try the bike shops to see about weekly or daily rides. Seek these things out because they might not just come to you, and you might not know intuitively what to do to find friends that are like you are.
I myself have a difficult time finding friends I like to hang out with. In Hawaii within the first couple weeks I already had a few friends that I enjoyed immensely. In Hawaii it’s easier to make friends than in other places I believe. See if you find that to be true also.
Moves to islands other than Oahu can be a little tougher. There are less people, so there are less people like you. There isn’t as much to do on the other islands. Still, there are thousands of people on each island that need friends, like you do, so go find them.
Dating as a Single Person
The dating scene in Hawaii is either awesome or horrible. There is really little in-between. It depends on who you are, what you’re looking for, and who is looking for you!
I have had so many people write me at Aim for Awesome to relay their stories about how bad the dating scene was for them in the Hawaiian Islands. Let’s take a look at a couple reasons that might be.
1. You don’t fit in. When you first arrive you don’t really fit in. You don’t know where anything is. You don’t know the culture. You’re not The Man or The Woman anymore, no matter who you are or where you came from. You’ll need to spend a few weeks, months in the islands to really get a feel for the dating scene. I’m talking about the social scene at the clubs for the most part here.
One thing you’ll notice when you first go out to some of the clubs is that, unless you’re in a tourist bar or club, everyone knows each other. It’s like a family reunion. You can’t help but notice that everybody in the club appears to know each other. There aren’t groups of two people standing and talking much, it’s groups of six to twenty. There’s a reason most people look like they know each other, they do and they’ve known each other for years. They probably went to school together. Hawaii is a small place, even Oahu, where there are approaching one million residents. I don’t know whether locals tend to go to the same club every time they go or not, but I think that’s probably accurate to some degree. Maybe the same group of clubs. So yeah, they all seem to know each other and you’re standing there with a mai tai in your hand trying to meet someone, and it probably is not going to happen unless you smile a lot, talk a lot, and it will help if you look local. LOL.
2. Locals gravitate toward locals.
3. You need to find a group of friends to introduce you to singles in your age bracket.
There are plenty of single people in the 18 to 25 age range. If you’re in that group, you probably won’t have trouble finding someone to date before too long. You know, assuming you ever found people to date before back in the mainland or wherever you’re from.
After 25 years or so, there is a serious dearth of prospects for males and females. Another reason is the cost of living in Hawaii is very high. That means that people tend to partner up with someone as soon as they can to share living expenses. I think it also means there are fewer divorces. That’s just a guess, but it would make sense because survivability in Hawaii financially for some people is intimately tied to their partner status. If they remain married, they can afford to live there. If not, well, many just couldn’t afford to live as singles.
Many locals, once they reach the age where they can leave Hawaii – do. There is a big-time brain-drain in the islands. That means basically, that the smart people leave for greener grass and more green in their bank. Salaries in California are enough to lure almost anyone with a prospect of high income, away from the islands. Hawaii just doesn’t offer high salaries for most positions because they just don’t have to. There are plenty of people who will work for a fraction of what they can make in the mainland USA just so they can spend time in the amazing islands. It’s the trade-off for living in Paradise.
The singles scenes on Big Island, Maui, and Kauai are virtually non-existent. You’d have to be carrying four-leaf clovers around in your pocket to find someone that is a good match for you. If you are keen on finding a partner in Hawaii, you probably don’t want to move anywhere but Oahu. Then, you’ll have to be a very open-minded type of person because you’re probably not going to find your ‘ideal’ if you have some image of what that is. You might, who knows right? I’m just saying, don’t get too attached to the idea that you’re going to find your perfect girl in Hawaii. I did, and then she wasn’t. LOL.
The Shaka Sign
The shaka means “hang loose,” be patient while you’re waiting for your things to ship! Public domain photo. Image is in public domain.
Originally it may have started out to be a fist with your thumb and pinky finger extended – as if waving (palm out), but, if you watch the locals do it – they don’t do it that way. It is more of a shake back and forth – twisting the wrist by pivoting at the elbow…and it is done palm facing in toward your body.
The Shaka sign means “hang loose”, and people give the sign usually when they are saying goodbye to each other or posing for a photo.
The Origin of the Shaka Sign?
Good question – and it has not been definitively answered, and it won’t be anytime soon. There are some ideas about it though.
Some say the shaka sign was shown in the 1940’s as a symbol of blessing by a local Hawaiian folk hero named Hamana Kalili from Laie who had lost his group of three middle fingers off one hand in a sugar-mill accident.
Some say it started when Kalili waved his deformed hand to shoo children away from jumping trains.
Some say the symbol started when one of the first surfers in Hawaii raised a shaking pinky and thumb out of the water after having his middle fingers bitten off by a shark.
Yet another possibility is that it began with the Spanish that immigrated to Hawaii. They would fold the middle three fingers in and brought the thumb to their mouth to symbolize drinking with the native Hawaiians they met.
To me, this is the most plausible since Hawaiians use it often while drinking and to symbolize drinking and good times.
If you drive, you might see the shaka sign used in traffic as you let someone enter the stream of traffic in front of you, or someone does something stupid, and throws up a shaka to calm your hot head.
The shaka sign is a tradition empowered symbol reminding locals and visitors of the way people look out for each other in the islands. It’s also a way to spread the aloha spirit, the spirit of love between people.
Update: I recently was given an incredible gift about this story. Big Mahalos to Ms. Joy Kamakea S! Check this out:
Aloha,
I enjoyed your site!
What a lovely discovery on this Sunday afternoon.
Hamana Kalili is my Tutu from Laie.
The history is true and factual on the Shaka sign. His fingers were not deformed, however injured in an accident. The mana’o to support this data was actually gathered by the late Honorable Mayor Fasi of Honolulu. The information should be available at Honolulu Hale City Hall along with his bust. I recall being in attendance of that event as a young girl with the Mayor and my o’hana at the unveiling of that special day many decades ago.
As a Native Hawaiian, it’s important that your coverage is appropriately accurate and not a folk tale. Also, the flower lei, is always bestowed, with a honi.Warmest Mahalo,
Joy Kamakea S
Thank you so much Joy! I’m blessed that you contributed this story!
Hawaiian Flower Leis
Don’t try too hard.
Honolulu Festival Parade – Pikake Leilani Hula Halau by Daniel Ramirez is licensed under CC BY 2.0. Image may have been resized or cropped from original
Upon landing in Hawaii – if you know someone here, or were part of a tour group, you might be leid with a necklace of fragrant pikake lei flowers around your neck, and even a kiss if you’re lucky.
This Hawaiian tradition is a really lovely way to welcome newcomers to the islands, and you’ll be doing it for others that come to visit you after you move too. It’s contagious!
There are many types of leis and they can be made not only from flowers, but feathers, leaves, shells, candy or whatever else someone wants to put in them.
Racism in Hawaii
Racism occurs everywhere you are in the world. I’ve seen that in the mainland USA, Hawaii, Thailand, Laos, and Cambodia. I’ve not really been affected by it much, I see myself as a person who can fit in anywhere. If someone is intolerant of me because I’m white skinned, I can ignore it and it goes no further than a comment or a look. It’s something I’m used to living in Thailand. It is something that many people cannot get used to moving to Hawaii.
If you haven’t been around other cultures much, I encourage you to read some, and watch some videos on Youtube about the subject. You don’t really have any choice about whether or not you’ll interact with groups from other cultures in Hawaii – you will. You’ll need to be culturally sensitive to local Hawaiian, Japanese, Filipino cultures as a minimum… there are Chinese, Thais, Vietnamese, Mexicans, Fijians, Samoans, Tahitians, Guamanians living in Hawaii, and people from all over the world vacationing in the islands.
Overt racism isn’t tolerated in Hawaii. I’ve experienced it when someone is drunk or high. I’ve experienced it in areas where the locals consider it their own territory and don’t want to encourage tourists coming around. Some people have a real difficulty with living in Hawaii because they say it is so racist. That hasn’t been my experience, but then people are different and experience different things. It begins with you – usually. So, make yourself culturally aware and sensitive and if someone is racist toward you – just laugh it off inside and go about your business.
If you want to see overt racism there are some videos on Youtube where locals are calling visitors Haole – in one case I saw, the guy was obviously drunk at Ala Moana Beach Park. In another case the guy was possibly out of his mind.
Think the article is great so far! Just to help you out on your accuracy- you separated out Mormons and Christians. Turns out Mormons are Christians!
That’s not my understanding. The Jesus that Mormons believe in is not at all like the Jesus that Christians believe in.
thinking about a life changing move from Chicago to Honolulu. im single and just turned 40. Is there any chance for a dating life – or as the article kind of says is it pretty dry when you get to the 30s and 40s age bracket?
Hard for me to give you a good reality check as I’m outside your age/profile. The dating scene is really getting disrupted with social media apps. It’s not like there are no single women in your age range so I’d say if you learned how to become a Hawaii islander you would not no more or less chance than where you are today.
With everything I keep reading of this Covid and the stupidity of governor ige I don’t see Oahu (maybe Big Island) getting back to that gigantic thriving tourism again. Everyone will be forced to vaccinate, masks, and all those small shops out of business! This Flu virus (Covid) has brought out the demonic scum from the New World Order, Global Econimic nutsos, the Bill Gates and his BS of reducing population, the Vatican involvement in the UN and WHO and all of these freaks wanting to turn the earth around by 2030! All I see is one way out of this madness and save your sanity. Buy a piece of land and be as off grid as possible but you could also do very well by buying a decent RV and rent a beach front rental in Baja because you cannot even do that in USA! You gotta rent a state park pass and in Baja its available to rent months and months. I was to fly out in March and never did so now I”m stuck in Ca in an apartment going insane trying to save more money to buy a nice RV and get the hell out of here and see some trees and not a frickin neighbor in front of me when I open my door!
Sorry but what does this have to do with the social environment in Hawaii..?
Amen
Hi .. luv all the comments except the political ones..
I am doing it! Got a one way ticket to Oahu in Nov. ,checking that out for a week then over to Hilo area to stay at airbnb for a week then will wait and see what the universe brings. I may purchase or rent in either area right then and there and go back to sell my place after winter. I am a 65 active female w enough to retire in a tiny home or 1 bed condo. Maybe jus lease in Oahu seizing that a minuit of 350K -plus maintenance fees. I live in the mtns in Co ( another blessed state )but having traveled a lot to islands in the west indies,bvi , usvi, mx, the ABC’s ,panama , CR ,owned a sailboat singly , I am determined to live by the ocean again. Not really looking for a partner , been alone for quite awhile but having friends would be important . Also not a fan of Fl ( lived there ) , lived in Ca in beautiful various places and spent 2 months in PR recently volunteering. Also my two adult sons like this pick better than the the rest . When inCa we visited all the islands except the N one . Maui seems too touristy for me , BI was friendly , Oahu convenient, Kauai $$$$$, Molokai too isolated.
Now my job is keep healthy and stay Covid free and get the cabin ready for a renter .
Super! Join us every other Friday where we talk about real estate in Hawaii. Make sure you’re on the newsletter.
So an update . Bought , rented it out for a few months , now live full time in my studio in Kailua Kona for 5 months. Snuck in during the C virus ..jus finished some remodeling ….
Hardest thing is living w Hoa rules that seem to apply to some and not others . I have been told to jus let everyone do what ever they want especially the STR renters as the out of state owners rely on local management who don’t care about new mainland owners . Ugh ! My question is do I just roll over and let it be or possible be beat up for voicing my opinion as a woman and white ? Almost happened .
Maybe need “ I don’t care “ bumper sticker and shirt and yes making friends is hard as a single , I volunteer mainly w couples whom seem in their own private world of couple land . Do like that I am missing a cold Co winter ..
Maybe not cut out for full time , jus need 200 days for the senior tax exemption .. and rent only to family and friends …Any helpful thoughts pull be appreciated as I still enjoy ur podcasts …
Gillian, if you watch our videos you’ll know we’ve got the best people for real estate. Did you work with Dylan? He’s a great resource.
Aloha Gillian, Our stories sound similar, I’m 60, single, 2 grown daughters, both living in Kailua/Kaneohe area, (both married to Marines) I have been living in Boston (city proper) & came to Oahu in Nov 2021 & rented a condo in downtown Ala Moana area to try living here F.T.
I also enjoy the freedoms of pursuing my hobbies solo or with others that share similar interests
I must say that Peter is spot on about making friends, just put yourself out there with an open heart & mind and feel the true spirit of Aloha. In my last 5+ months I have learned to appreciate the local culture & their reluctance to invest deeply in friendships that may decide the relocation move to Hawaii is a short-term commitment, it happens all the time so it is the new person that needs to put in the extra effort.
I volunteered in Jan to work at the PGA-Sony Open, best week of my entire trip.
I made friends with many locals & all were gracious with their time, more than willing to spend days to “Talk Story”. I’m not ready to be “retired” so I’ve decided to return to Boston, get my business & finances in order, de-clutter my life & put a plan into motion that will allow me to make the jump by next year.
I’ve been going to lots of open houses & trying to figure out where I want to reside but have liked so many different areas that I can’t decide what will work best yet so I will be looking at short-term rentals in 3 or 4 different areas before I commit. Condos here seem to be a mixed bag, the more that are locally owned & operated buildings, the more important to chat up the members of the buildings security, management and HOA members becomes.
I’m so glad that I found this site & hope to learn more from everyone willing to share their experiences, I wish you all the best, Mahalo nui loa, CJ
25yrs ago I visited Puna and fell in love with it. I returned about 8 times to SCUBA and once to ride around the whole island on a bike with a loaded “The Bob” trailer. I don’t do the resorts or tourist areas and every time I go live somewhere on the mainland I always go back to thinking “why did I not stay on The Big Island! I’ve roamed from Ensenada, Tijuana, San Diego, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Las Vegas, and the boondocks out in Colorado with a bunch of cows! I’m now extremely close to coming up with enough to move with my dog and truck in Sept/October with enough income saved to get me started. I am on disability income and want to focus on buying land with owner financing to live totally off the grid, go to Hilo school to learn agriculture and house construction, fishing, and find musicians to play covers with the hope of making extra $$$ under the table. I’m aware of 99% of the things I need to do to move and started looking at work for a place to sleep. I cannot afford an apartment and if I have to camp out in the beaches bushes till I find the right piece of land I will. My truck is a 4×4, and have very little left but able to afford payments and a decent downpayment on an owner financing land zoned for agriculture and living but off the grid. I’ve purchased enough solar panel power and tools to be comfy. I have a friend who is willing to ship my things once I find an address. I may even take a trip before moving there if I can find someone to take care of my dog for 2-4 weeks so I can see what the deal is with the recent eruption but one thing is a fact that I truly have roamed the mainland enough and even lived in my truck trying to live on BLM land and I always always think of Hawaii and say “what if I just go there and make it happen? Everywhere I’ve been I’ve been unhappy and every time I see the corals on my favorite snorkeling spot “Place of Refuge” area and the many dives done in Kona then returning to the jungle I have nothing but great memories, the rain, the lush green fauna, everything about it is a happy and positive environment. Having HIV and just turned 52, I WANT to live and be happy and if it fails the so what! I tried and thats what matters. I would love to meet people who offer part time work, house sitting, musicians, and good people who are not 1-homophobic, 2-always negative about this and that, 3-SCUBA divers, 4-adventurers to go and do things (not just sit at a bar), I seldom will have a cold beer, don’t do any drugs (not even pot/fine if you do), and don’t smoke. I’m a 52 single Hispanic male with one little well educated emotional support dog with one 4×4 vehicle, trustworthy, references, no felonies, lots of music equipment, some tools, and thats it! I know what its like to struggle and I’m prepared to start living and finally meeting with my final resting life spot, where I should of been 25yrs ago!
Mahalo Mario for this great contribution!
I love this site! My absolute favorite towards discovering where I want to head in life.
I’m 19 and have had tons of cultural expierencing living in the DMV area of the US. I’m attending college to become a teacher and life coach. In 2 years after I receive my bachelors I’m making the big move! I’m saving close to $12,000 for this move, and all of the resources on aim for awesome are totally helpful. Mahalo!!
I’m so glad! Sign up for the newsletter and check out the YouTube channel!
I am ready to move to Hawaii. I can’t wait! – Carolyn in snowy Minnesota!
Hawaii is very gay-tolerant. No problems, or at least less than on the mainland.
I’m 56 and just counting down the days to my pau hana years when I’m coming back home.
The racism in Hawaii bugged me and you know, ambitious, so naturally I moved to the mainland in my mid-20s. Talk about going from the frying pan into the fire! Holy geez, I thought Hawaii was expensive!
As I just said, I’m old. I’ve done about everything you can do on the mainland from organic farming to high tech (pays less than warehouse work) to pursuing an Olympic sport with some success. I got about 8 years to go then it’s pau fuckin’ hana
But back to the racism … I’ve seen far worse here on the mainland and been more threatened by other haoles than I ever was in Hawaii by anyone. Lotta crazy fuckers here. Trump voters …. And haoles picking on non-haoles here don’t even get me started.
All the Trump supporters I know are kind loving people—many in interracial relationships. A blanket statement like that makes about as much sense as saying all Democrats blindly follow the Clintons and agree that it was OK for him to take advantage of a young employee and ejaculate on her dress…not to mention his assaults on Willey & Jones
Your reader who said that there isn’t rampant racism in Hawaii may be speaking of Honolulu, however on Big Island it was definitely present in most areas even the tourist beaches. We tried not to inflame those situations and interacted respectfully, but you can’t go in blind!!
Hi Vern. I just recently decided that I want to restart my existence in Hawaii. Reading this article, and many others on the aimforawesome site, confirmed that my decision is a fabulous one!
I am a really laid back 53yo woman with no ties to anything. I lived in Key West Florida for 12 years and enjoy living simply. I currently live in a weird, random vacation town in Arizona and have been soul searching for the right place to FINALLY plant myself. Hawaii suddenly HIT me yesterday while I was listening to a radio interview about Hawaiian music. :-)
I can save at least $10,000 in a year or so, and what I prefer to do for a living is happy retail! I really enjoy providing an awesome and friendly customer service experience, and can usually easily find a job (or 2) in a groovy gift shop. I have tons of retail/tourism experience, but very little social networking or very adept pc skills. I’m kind of a dinosaur. LOL. I’m hoping that will not be a deterrent, as it has been in AZ!
I’m not sure which Island to shoot for, but through all of these enlightening articles, I’m sure it will come easy.
Thank you so much for reading this. I really dig your writing style and insight. I would welcome any advice or comments, but please do not feel obligated. I am simply happy to vent and celebrate my new long-term goal!
Happy everything,
Lea
Good for you on your decision! Keep us posted on the adventure!
Vern,
We are seriously thinking of building our retirement home on the Big Island away from Kona Kilian and the touristy part of the island. We part a small Parcel in the Puna District near Paradise Park Estates in lava zone 3. I have been to all the major islands including a privileged visit to Nieha. I have fallen in love with the Hawaiian people. If you make a friend with a Hawaiian you have a friend for life. I look forward to returning to the Island and enjoying the twilight of my life. I will probably live a lot longer there. Mahalo! !!!!!
Hi Robert,
Wow, you were lucky to visit Ni’Ihau! How did you swing that? There are great people in Hawaii… and you just have to be a great person too, to meet them. Aloha and best of luck on your move!
Hi
What about an older gay man living there? Also where is a good safe place to rent?
Thanks
Ps I like your articles very easy reading
Hi Joe, I changed your name per your request for anonymity. I don’t know about older gay men living on the islands. There are some for sure, but what their experience is, I couldn’t begin to guess. I don’t remember there being any sort of gay bashing going on, but who knows? I thin your best bet would be to find some gay groups in Hawaii. Try Facebook. Try searching twitter for keywords that might help you find someone or a group. I’ll bet that forum city-data has some posts about it somewhere if you can find them. Search that too. Does craigslist have personals for gays in Hawaii? I think so. Check that out. I mean, write people and ask them about the scene. Good luck! Aloha!